Re-entering the blogging world

Hi. I've had a few blogs before but for some reason, I lost my motivation to "write" in them. I've decided to start anew and post things here. Just so everyone knows, "Super Nanny" is not something that I refer to myself as, but it has become my nickname in virtually every job that I have held working as a nanny and seem to have cemented that name in the past month.

In my current position, I have three charges aged 4, 16 months, and 4 months. Last month on January 13, I found my four month old cold, gray, not breathing, and with no heartbeat at 4:45 AM in the morning while his parents were away on a trip. When I found him, it felt like my own heart stopped beating. I have never been a person to panic, and I did not panic then but took immediate action and began to pray for mercy for his little life. My husband was with me since I like for him to stay with me while the parents are away since it is a large house and I would miss being away from him for so many days. When I found the baby, I called for him to call 911, and he handled making that phone call as well as calling my employers to let them know they needed to return home immediately. Immediately after finding the baby, I placed him on his changing table and started CPR. By the grace of God, he began breathing again after several cycles of CPR. I have been credited with saving his life, but it is not an accolade I am comfortable with. I am fully aware that I was just a tool that the Lord used at that moment in time and was part of the plan He has for Baby S's life. So I thank Him for the opportunity, and for giving me the calm personality to handle the situation as I did. It is a miracle that Baby S is alive today. His body temperature was 92 degrees, and he was without oxygen for more than 5 minutes minimum. The acidity in his blood was so high, the nurses were convinced he would be in a permanent vegetative state. He recovered within hours, but two days later started having petit mal seizures and ended up staying in the hospital for 8 days.

Baby S (pictured left with me during some floor therapy time) is now home and a happy, sweet, and energetic little boy, but still has a road of recovery ahead of him. The seizures are under control with medication, and he has a wonderful PT and OT therapy team. I, of course, am doing all that I can to aid him in his recovery and as a result feel like I'm doing therapy with him in some form every second he is awake. Make no mistake: this is a good thing!

People have asked me how I am handling everything and how I can continue on as I have. A lot of people were under the impression that I would suffer from PTSD or have some sort of emotional disturbance from the incident. The answer to that is easy enough: I am a Christian and have a strong faith in Jesus Christ. I choose not to question God because I believe He has a reason for everything that happens in our lives and that it's up to us to choose how we react. We can react with horror and question God and rail "How could You do this to me/my friend/my child/my spouse" or we can choose to continue to bless His name and trust in Him that He will get us through whatever we find ourselves in. I cannot do anything on my own strength. The minute that I try, I fail. Does this mean that I am never afraid or don't worry? Of course not. I am human. It does mean that I find myself choosing to trust in Him to carry me through whatever situation I happen to be in each day...sometimes several times per day, but choosing that road nevertheless and being thankful for the blessings that I do receive even when life in general seems bleak. I am sure that when I have my own children, it will be harder for me to trust the Lord with their life. I will walk that road when it comes time to do so, and I will make the decision each day (hard as it will be) to trust our Heavenly Father with the lives of those I love so much. I choose to stand on Grace.

The incident has changed me in some ways though. Life has become much more precious to me, and every time I see the baby laugh or smile, it brings me great joy. I spend much more time praying for the children that I know. When you see a child that is essentially dead come back to life in front of you, I think it impresses upon you for as long as you live. I used to get annoyed when a child would start crying and not stop crying despite my best efforts, but now I think to myself "A crying child means a child who is alive." Everyone wants a child's life to be easy and not hard, but I think that the best thing we can do for a child is to make sure their life has some struggles in it... without struggle, you don't learn anything. In order to best equip children for the realities of life, sometimes we need to let them experience having a hard time doing something and learn that sometimes no matter how hard you try, you will fail. From that, we can teach them to keep trying no matter how many times they fail... and eventually sweet success will be theirs. They will have learned a lot from the process, and we will have done our job as their teacher/parent/caregiver.

Those of you who know me well know that I have very little patience for self-centered people who think the world revolves around them and their problems are more important than everyone elses'. I am a very compassionate person and have a heart for the poor, the needy, the special needs people, and the "underdogs" of society, if you will. I hope I never become so focused on my own life that I forget to take into account the rest of the world. Whatever problems I have - someone else in this world ALWAYS has bigger problems than I do. This holds true for every person...and really, why would you want to subject yourself to a contest of "I have the worst life and the most problems in the entire universe" ? I think people need to take this into account and stop feeling sorry for themselves and be grateful that their situation isn't worse than it is. However, I recognize that I need to work on having more patience to "love the unloveable" and not become so frustrated with the people I encounter who are like that. How I choose to treat them should be how Jesus would treat them: with love and compassion. Sometimes my love and compassion is negated by a mental eyeball roll to the heavens with a big "Are we REALLY doing this?" sigh. So I am working on that in myself. It's not easy but again, it's a choice I have to make every time I am faced with it, and sometimes I fail at it. I am pretty sure it will be something that I struggle with my entire life.

So, that concludes my reintroduction to the blogging world...hopefully I can keep up with it!