The promised little rant.....

If I had a dollar for every time some well-meaning mother said to me "I know you think raising kids is easy, but when you have your own it's totally different than what you do in your job"... I would be a millionaire. I love how some (notice I said some, not ALL) mothers try to make themselves feel better by saying this instead of just admitting they're struggling and need to do things differently (ie: put their child on a schedule, manage their time better, let the house be a little messy on some days, stop obsessing over their child's outfit matching perfectly, etc.).

If I were a high school babysitter who showed up at 6:45 PM each evening and colored two pictures with one child that had already been fed and bathed and in their PJ's, and then put them in bed and proceeded to watch TV for the rest of the evening, moms would have the right make that statement to me.

However, I am most certainly NOT a babysitter. I am a governess/household manager. In layman's terms.. I am a stay at home mom who is paid a salary and believe me, I earn every cent.

Here's a typical day....

I walk into the house between 7:40-7:45 AM if I haven't spent the night (which I do quite frequently). I get F up, direct him to get himself dressed and make his own bed, and start preparing breakfast for him while packing his lunch and snack for school. Somewhere in there, I'm also making E's breakfast and Baby S's breakfast. If the dishwasher is clean, I'm emptying that and putting it away where it belongs. After the food is ready, I grab S, give him his bottle with meds, and then head to get E up and out of bed and dressed for the day. Then it's breakfast time for her and Baby S, and I'm running around the kitchen making sure F's lunch gets put into his backpack along with any notes/forms/checks, etc that need to be sent to school with him. F finishes breakfast, we wash his hands and face, I give him his inhaler treatment, and we go through brushing teeth and hair. F leaves for school courtesy of carpool most mornings, but some mornings I pack all three kids up in the car and take him myself, breakfast is over, and the kitchen is tidied up and countertops/kids' eating areas wiped down.

I'll start the laundry if it needs to be done at some point and rotate it throughout the day, fold it, put it away, etc. Depending on nap schedules for the younger two, we may head to the grocery store or to run errands for household supplies (Target, dry cleaning, CVS, Blockbuster, you name it). I keep a running list during the week of what we need or are getting low on. Naps commence - and I busy myself with projects that need to be done - sometimes the kids outgrow clothes and the clothes need to be put into the age appropriate storage boxes in one of the two attics in the house. Or the playroom needs to be reorganized. There is always something that needs to be done. Oh, and my employers never tell me what needs to be done. I basically run the house my way and everything is always kept neat and organized. I am never told what needs to be done...because it's done before they can even give it a thought.

The mail comes and I go out and get it and sort it. I pull any of the kids' health insurance or medical bills and make sure the bills match up with our insurance statements. If they do, I write the checks from my joint account with the parents, sign them, and mail them. If they don't, it requires a phone call to the billing department to fix the error. (Tell me what "babysitter" does this, I dare you...) The rest of the mail waits for another free moment during the day and is all opened and filed away appropriately...any of the bills that aren't paid automatically have checks written for them and are mailed out. Lunchtime for kids.... Baby S gets homemade baby food (yes, I make this for him also in large batches every two weeks - which was also completely my idea, I had to convince his mom that it was best for him), and E gets a typical toddler lunch. Kitchen is straightened up again, playtime, and either F is dropped off by carpool or we all go get him from school. Afternoon activities vary...we might head to the Zoo, Aquarium, park, Children's Museum, playdate, etc. Just depends on the day. Home for naps, and F and I do a special project of some sort. Baking, art, or outside to play a game of baseball or soccer.

Afternoon naps end, and dinner starts cooking for the kids.... menu changes nightly - I plan it, so whatever I want to make for them. I do everything from macaroni and cheese (from scratch, not from the box!) to chicken and vegetables. I'm not a fan of nuggets and fish sticks with french fries and make an effort to actually cook a healthy meal for F. After dinner, kitchen is cleaned again (the kitchen is ALWAYS clean in any house that I am present in... it's kind of my "thing") and bathtime starts. Baths, teeth/hair brushed, PJ's on, and then playtime... then clean up.... more often than not, I put the children to bed as well. Baby S gets his nighttime dose of medication. At the end of the day I do a house walk through to make sure everything is in its place and ready for the next day if I'm going home that night. If I'm not going home that night, I still do the walk through but try to get to bed early since I might be up during the night with one or more of the kids, and definitely will be up at 6 AM or so to start the day over again when Baby S wakes up.

What's that you say? Oh, yes I DO take the children to the pediatrician and dentist. I schedule all of their vaccinations and well visits. I also write the checks for any visits we make. I fill the prescriptions and make sure they're refilled before we run out. I've dealt with seizures, stitches for head injuries and other areas, broken bones, CPR, the Heimlich, croup, and the flu. I discipline F as necessary and appropriate, and yes... that includes spanking. I also take them to get their hair cut if I notice it's getting a little long, and I buy them clothing and shoes in the appropriate size as needed. I research all the summer camp options and select the camps, fill out the paperwork, and register for them and make sure the balances are paid by their due dates so we don't get dropped from the roster. I sign F up for all of his extracurricular activities that I also research and select by myself and will do the same for E when she's a little older. I also have two part-time nannies who work for me so that I can get F to his sports practices or run more intensive errands without the children. I also travel with the family frequently, and move in for a couple of weeks at a time if their parents have to be out of town. I work, on average 100 hours per week, so no, I don't "get weekends off". I can't remember the last time I slept in on a weekend, because I'm usually at work. I do all of the above in addition to managing my own life and having a husband who needs my attention too, so even when I do have "free" time it is spent managing my own life (laundry, grocery shopping, errands), not sitting poolside sipping a frozen pina colada.

So, no, sorry to all those "justifying" moms... what I do on a daily basis is NOT any different than what you do, no matter how much you want to believe it is. Here's the difference: I get paid to do my job, and you don't. I take care of children that aren't mine and that I didn't carry for nine months and love more than I love myself. (although I do love my kids and put them first, it is NOT the same as the love you have for YOUR children). You have one of the BEST jobs in the world... you take care of children who are YOURS. I don't do that yet... I don't know when or if I ever will have that privilege but you can bet that I will do things the exact same way that I do now if that day ever comes! And you know what? It'll be a heck of a lot EASIER than what I do now... sorry if that offends some of you moms, but it's the truth. I know that I'll be doing everything that I do now, but I'll be doing it out of love for my precious children, and I'll be able to do things exactly the way I would do them....without having to think about anyone else but my own family.